Ranma's Little Sister
by lord Martiya
Summary: Ranma Saotome has a sister. A sister he never met after leaving with his father. Now she arrived in Nerima to help. Welcome, Haruna Saot-Wait, THAT Haruna! Poor, poor Nerima... Warning: spoilers on recent Negima! Magister Negi Magi chapters.
1. Prologue: Hello, Bro!

This was something I'd like to try. Something that nobody dared. Throwing HER in the middle of NWC... Poor Nerima. And poor Saffron.

by lord Martiya

**Prologue: Hello, Bro!**

"Fool! Don't you know that the Gekkaja and the Kinjakan mirror each other?" Saffron boasted.

Ranma was in trouble. He had traveled to China to save Jusenkyo, and any hope to heal his curse, only to find himself locked in a battle for Akane's life against a foe that could be injured only by the Gekkaja, a weapon that Saffron could easily counter with the Kinjakan. It was hopeless... No! He couldn't surrender! He had to win! He had to... Understand where the _Ride of the Valkyries_ was coming from?

Then, survival instincts honed in years of tort-er, training and the recent battles in Nerima kicked in, and Ranma let the tornado created by his Hiryu Shotenha taking him away from Saffron. Just in time to see the Phoenix King being crashed by SOMETHING that had penetrated the mountain.

"Is that a spaceship?" he exclaimed after landing near Ryoga.

"It looks like a Roman merchantman..." Ryoga confirmed.

"The Roman Empire fell in 476 CE." Mousse stated.

"Only the Western half, and even that is debatable. And there still are some descendants ruling their version of the Roman Republic on Venus."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! KNEEL BEFORE THE EMPRESS OF DRAWINGS!" a voice declared. It was a 14-15 looking bespectacled girl (and a fairly attractive one to boot) in military-like clothes, surrounded by four other girls that could only be described as a female junior high version of Indiana Jones, a Yamato Nadesico in making, a samurai girl with a BIG sword and a very young valkirye sipping from a juice box. "SAFFRON OF THE BIRD PEOPLE! SURRENDER OR DIE! SAFFRON! SHOW YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!"

"I think we knocked him out." the valkirye deadpanned pointing at Saffron. Who was knocked out and abandoned on the bow of the ship.

The mad girl looked pissed, then walked at Saffron and started kicking him while complaining on his anticlimathic demise ruining her well-planned dramatic entrance. After that, the girl LEVITATED down and reached the boys. And Ranma started sweating: he had seen her in a photo. But it COULDN'T be her. She was too much crazy.

"Sorry, can you tell me who is Saotome Ranma?" she asked.

Ryoga and Mousse immediatly pointed at him.

"Hello, Bro! Long time we don't see! I think last time was just before the old man took you on the training trip..."

It was her.

"Haruna? YOU are the Haruna Mom told me about?" Ranma exclaimed.

"The one and only, returning from rehabilitating my homeroom teacher's mother on her homeworld!" she replied.

The presents looked at her, puzzled (the conscious ones, at least: most of them had run away, and both the Bird People who hadn't run and the Jusenkyo guide had fainted due the appearance of the spaceship or the shock of seeing Saffron defeated so easy).

Ranma had now decided to crown his mother as queen of euphemisms, as she had described Haruna as ' just a little spirited'. Clearly there was something in his family genes, from BOTH branches.

Ryoga, was shit scared. A girl apparently mad and in control of a spaceship, possibly an armed one? No good at all!

Akane was trying to understand how the sweet, intelligent and a bit spirited girl described by Auntie Nodoka was apparently mad. It had to be Ranma's fault as always, somehow.

Mousse, just though that the girl was weird even for Nerima.

Shampoo was trying to determinate how to ingratiate her into kicking Akane away from Ranma (she had the ability, after all). Also, she was wondering where did they meet, because she was sure to know her somehow.

Kiima was a bit too dead for puzzling: when she got distracted by Haruna's arrive, Shampoo hit her with a chui in the back of her head.

"Hey, where did you found a doll looking like your girlfriend?" Haruna asked pointing at the drained Akane.

Five seconds later, Akane was back at normal, and Haruna offered to take them back in Japan.

"Wait, I still need to do something." Ranma replied.

"Heal the curse? Sorry, it's pouring and the waters are mixed." Haruna explained.

"!"

"Don't worry." the valkirye said before sipping her tomato milk juice. "In a couple weeks the curses will be back at normal."

"Hey, how did you got the spaceship?" Ryoga asked.

"Drawing pays well." Haruna declared. "Well, let's g-"

"HOLD ON!"

Saffron had just recovered. And he looked PISSED.

BANG!

Then, Saffron dropped dead with a single hole in the head. And a dark skinned woman started disassembling a PSG1 rifle, making Ranma and Ryoga start sweating. She looked familiar.

"Thanks, Tatsumiya, I owe you one!" Haruna saluted.

"Just make sure everybody knows WHO had killed the immortal." she replied.

"I'll remember. Shevac killed the immortal Saffron."

"SHEVAC? THAT SHEVAC?" Ranma and Ryoga cried.

"I have the classmate discount."

And that told Ranma why their mother described her as 'a little spirited': for being Mana classmate she WAS just a little spirited.

"And people complains about the Nerima Wrecking Crew..." Mousse sintetized. "What? That's how they call us!"

_Author Note_

Well, who else could make such an entrance? I mean, Evangeline and Chao are drama lovers enough for that, but only Haruna has an actual spaceship. She says she bought it on Mundus Magicus and paid it with money earned with her drawings, and I won't try and discover if she's being honest. And thinking about the drama lovers, Chao could even go and make an anticlimathic villain out of Saffron, if she decide so: after all she already did of a demon god by having Chachamaru destroying it with a single shot of a ridicolous-looking orbital weapon...

And about Ryoga's data on the Roman Empire, HE'S DAMN RIGHT. The common accepted date for the Fall of the Roman Empire is the overthrowing of Romulus Augustus in 476, but, as he was an usurper, it could be debated that the Western Roman Empire only fell in 480 with the death of the last legitimate Emperor. Also, the Eastern Roman Empire survived in its entirety until 1204, after that it was divided in six different successor states. In 1261 the Empire of Nicaea took back Constantinople and most of the territories at 1204 and reformed the Eastern Roman Empire, but it too fell to the Turks in 1453, with the Empire of Trebizond, the last successor state, falling in 1461. In the meantime a THIRD legitimate Roman Empire had been founded as the Holy Roman Empire (and I say legitimate meaning that its emperor was formally elected as the Western and Eastern ones were and that the Eastern Emperors had proclaimed the Holy Roman Emperors as successors of the Western ones). How he learnt that, well, he picked up a lot of strange knowledge during his travels, I think he found that out while wandering in Rome or Instambul believing to be in China, or wandered in that state and read a tourist guide. The only thing Ryoga got wrong was the location of the reborn Roman Republic: as you know, Mundus Magicus, and Megalomesembria with it, is on MARS, not Venus. But that's Ryoga, after all.

Shevac is instead an homage to the wonderful fanfic _Coming Home to Roost_, by Shade. In that fanfic Mana had been nicknamed 'Shevac' after the last words of a Russian captain who, after finding out she was there to kill him and his men, cried "Shit, she's here! Evac-" before being killed.


	2. 01: Party and the Salgarian

Remember, Haruna is a pervert, and nicknamed her best friends Yue and Nodoka 'The Polygamous Duo'. Also, somebody pointed out that Mundus Magicus is on Mars and that I was wrong in placing it on Venus. Sorry, but I wasn't wrong, RYOGA was. Remember, never take directions from him.

by lord Martiya

**01: Party and The Salgarian**

"YOU DID WHAT?"

After leaving her friends and her spaceship at her school, Haruna had come to Nerima along the NWC. And then, at a party to celebrate their return from Jusenkyo, she slipped to be the one who told Ukyo where to find Ranma KNOWING THAT AT THE TIME SHE WAS HELLBENT ON KILLING HIM AND THEIR FATHER.

"Come on, bro, it was just helping your childhood friend!" Haruna replied.

"But... Why?"

_Flashback_

Many months earlier, Ukyo's Okonomiyaki Cart, Mahora Campus.

"Why are you eyeing me like that?" Haruna asked while waiting for her okonomiyaki with her friends.

"You have the same last name of my fiance." Ukyo admitted. "THAT BASTARD!"

"What's happened to provoke this?" Konoka (the Yamato Nadesico of the group) asked.

"Oh, nothing... It's just that, when I was 10, he and his father accepted the engagement and our family okonomiyaki cart as my dowry, and then THAT GENMA FUCKER TOOK RANMA AND RAN AWAY WITH THE CART!"

Silence fell. Then, Haruna produced an old punctured picture of Genma.

"Is this the Saotome Genma you're talking about?" she asked.

"Yes... It's him! How?" Ukyo replied.

"Fucker's my dad. Sadly."

Silence.

"Don't worry, I'd like being orphaned of him: he took my brother away on a training trip before I started remembering, leaving behind only a seppuku pledge in Ranma's name if he didn't meet some crazy condition." Haruna explained.

"Crazy even for this school?" Ukyo asked.

"Even McDowell-san wouldn't consider it, and you know how crazy she can be. Anyway, you'll find them in Nerima at the Tendo Dojo. Ranma is currently living there as part of ANOTHER engagement signed before he was even born, and is now studying at Furinkan High."

"Why do you tell me this? I'm planning to beat the crap out of them!"

"Genma, I'd help if I could. Ranma... Wanna bet you'll fall for him in a couple days after seeing him again? Also, he probably doesn't even know about your engagement. Go ahead."

"Uh... Thanks."

"Don't thank me, give me nieces and nephews."

Then Haruna gave Ukyo a book. The _Kamasutra_.

"For luck."

_End Flashback_

Everybody but Ukyo stared at Haruna. After all, she had not only anticipated Ukyo falling again for Ranma, but had openly asked Ukyo to have sex with her brother and gave her THE handbook about that.

"RANMA, YOU PERVERT!"

Akane tried to hit Ranma, but was KOed by an anvil falling on her head.

"When she wake up, tell her that I **WILL** enforce good manners." Haruna said smiling.

"Ucchan, is that normal at that school?" Ranma asked his childhood friend.

"Almost." Ukyo replied. "But her class is particularly crazy, so..."

"How much?" Nabiki asked.

Haruna smiled in a creepy way, then produced a copy of the class register.

"From number one we are: a ghost, the gun-crazy daughter of a mage, a paparazzi, a military philosopher, an half-vampire who fears blood, a swimmer who can remain calm even when enslaved on an alien world, a mad cheerleader, an alien princess with a Big Fucking Sword, a nun-witch, a magically-powered robot, another mad ch-"

"STOP! IT'S ENOUGH!"

"We also have a vampire and a couple mad scientists, one of them being a time traveller to boot." Haruna added. "And I had other reasons for sending Ukyo to you."

"Really?" Genma asked (he was the only one still calm enough).

"We are Saotome. What's the difference between us and anyone with our same name?"

"We boobytrapped the family tomb as defence?" Ranma asked.

"... No: we STRUGGLE until we reach our objective, no matter how outlandish such objective may be, and to hell with whoever is so foolish to get in our way! By the way, that gave us enough enemies to force us into boobytrapping the family tomb. I just made a couple additions to the traps..."

"I know I'll regret this... What additions?" Genma asked.

* * *

Saotome Family Tomb

Two figures armed with sledgehammers were approaching the tomb, ready to destroy it.

"Are you sure we should do this? It's a tomb..." one of them said.

"She and the Regime destroyed our control on Megalomesembria and took our wealth! She MUST pay!" the other replied.

"Why, doc? You attacked her first, after all..."

"Shut up and go away, you talking rabbit, or we'll EAT you!"

"Of course you realize, this means WAR."

The figures would be later found white haired and scared into shit their pants. Oh, and with an insane fear of rabbits, hares and similar things.

* * *

"YOU ADDED GOLEMS OF BUGS BUNNY AND THE GHOSTLY TRIO?"

"Well, Chuck Norris would cause too much collateral damage... Anyway, that's exactly I decided to send Ukyo: she's beautiful, she can deal with the madness that follows us and can FIT in the family, while I'm not so sure of Ak-"

_**"SANDOKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!****! SANDOKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!****!**__**"**_

As the start of the song _Sandokan_ woke up Akane and scared everybody, a guy in a lieutenant uniform of the Japanese Imperial Navy (Russian-Japanese War era) appeared in the house.

"Hello, you may call me The Salgarian, and as the new villain coming in Nerima I'm here for the traditional kidnapping of the Fairest and Most Lovely member of the Tendo household." he saluted.

"And you think we'll let you-" Soun started. Then, weapons clicked.

"Tendo, I suggest you look around." Genma said.

Soun did so, and found that they were surrounded by hundreds of beings with the looks of humans (mostly female) very little dressed and oddly colored armed with what appeared to be laser weapons. There was also a group of humans in an unknown black military uniform bearing a red octagon with a silver eight-beamed wheel on the chest. And these ones, armed with a mix of lasers and 'modern' firearms, included Tatsumiya Mana.

"To quote Douglas McArthur, whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons". The Salgarian said. "Please surrended yourself with no resistance and you and your eventual rescuers shall not be armed, Tendo Kasumi."

"What?" Kasumi asked.

"I'm kidnapping you."

"But... The tradition is to kidnap Akane." Nabiki intervened.

The intruders laughed as a single ma-woma-BEING.

"Nice joke." The Salgarian said. "What kind of IMBECILE would kidnap HER over Kasumi?"

"Hey! What are you insinuating?" Akane cried, catching a supposed insult.

"Well, for starters... You are cute, your sister is beautiful. Your manners are horrible, your sisters' are proper of a lady. Last year both Chinas cried that Japan was experimenting with chemical and biological weapons until the governement explained it was just your cooking, your sister could work in a luxury restaurant as the Chef. While just half trained you can defend yourself, your sister can't. Need particulars? No? Good. You'll find me at Furinkan High, where I adapted the school for some Salgari-themed task before you'll be able to rescue Kasumi."

"Wait... Salgari as in EMILIO Salgari? The Italian novelist who wrote the _Sandokan_ novels?" Haruna asked.

"The one and only. Good day."

The horde teleported away with Kasumi.

"Well, that was new." Ranma said.

"Salgari... WHY HIM?" Haruna cried.

"Come on, it won't be that bad..."

"In one of his novels Salgari got twenty THOUSANDS people shit themselves to death, in a literal fashion. And he regularly tortured his main characters."

The presents look at her like she had grown a second head.

"Where the hell is Kuno when we need a human shield?" Ranma complained.

* * *

Somewhere in Mahora, Hasegawa Chisame and Albert Chamomille (Chamo for short) where looking at a fainted Kuno Tatewaki.

"Tell me again what Paru did him..." Chisame asked.

"Well, she just explained him about her brother's curse."

"And that made him comatose until two minutes ago and then made him run amok screaming about the Foul Sorcerer Saotome Genma until Yuna shot him a tranquillizer... Why?"

"He had a crush on Ranma's girl side and hated his male side."

Chisame facepalmed.

"At least OUR madness has some sense..."

* * *

"Sir, I have a report from Platinum Works." Mana, now dressed as a Jemadar-ranking Sepoy of the Bengal Army, told The Salgarian (now dressed in a Royal Navy uniform of the mid-'800s). "It explains why they always kidnapped the gorilla."

"Thanks the Elements! I was fearing this place had no sense at all!" The Salgarian exclaimed.

"Apparently they always had some other reason. Most kidnapped her to defend themselves from Ranma, or to use her against him. Mousse actually kidnapped a peluche, but he mistook it for her."

"Moron..."  
"Indeed. Another kidnapper, Kirin of the Seven Gods of Luck, kidnapped her just because she happened holding in her hand the half of his sacred scroll in place of the legitimate owner, who is now his wife. Finally, a Toma guy had kidnapped a lot of women so he could chose his wife among them, but Akane was the only one with the balls to treat him as the unruly child he was, and he was masochist enough to chose her. To his defence, he had never saw a woman in person until he started kidnapping."

"And so she got the fame as 'The Most Desiderable' over Kasumi because people just assumed they had missed something about her that the kidnappers noticed and she HAD to be the best one..."  
"That, and rumors about Kasumi being in love with Tofu Ono. And Tofu Ono can do nasty things with his fingers. On Nabiki not being more desiderated..."

"I know her fame. Oh, look, they're here at the first scenario."

"What's the novel?"

"_Il Leone di Damasco_. Right in the final battle."

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Akane cried.

"I think it's the Venetian galley _Capitana_ at the Battle of Lepanto, if they are any hint." Haruna replied pointing to an Arabian-looking man and a western-looking woman, both in Venetian armour. "Do we have to defeat you?"

"Indeed, no." the man replied. "You have to reach the _Sultana_ and shave Ali Pasha. Questions?"

"Just one." Konatsu said. "Why is your companion dressed as a woman?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"According to Haruna-san, Capitan Tempesta is a woman, yet your companion is a man."

"FINALLY SOMEBODY GOT IT!" the 'woman' cried.

"We lost a bet, and he loves dressing as a woman to see if anyone will notice." the (other) man confirmed. "Now, let's the task begin."

The two teleported away, and arrows, musquet shots and cannonballs started flying.

"Where is Kodachi when you need her agility?" Ranma complained.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?" the infamous vampire Evangeline A.K. McDowell asked after seeing all the gymnastic clubs of the campus preparing a sacrifice to Kodachi and nearly dropping her thermos.

"The Black Rose goddess accepted to teach us if we show her our dedication." Sasaki Makie replied.

Evangeline looked at them, then made the question.

"Don't you think a human sacrifice is too much?"

"It's just a piglet!"

"IT'S HOT!"

"Whoever you are, you owe me your life and a thermos of tea. My personal brew."

For some reason, Ryoga wished she just let the gymnasts sacrifice him.

* * *

The rescue party had shaved Ali Pasha without losing people, and reached the next scenario. Where they met a cowboy.

"This scenario is inspired by the novel _La Scotennatrice_." he announced. "Meaning, 'she who skin people' or 'she who take scalps'. Your task is to keep your scalps. Good luck."

The cowboy teleported away just as the monsters from earlier appeared on horses and started attacking with tomahawks.  
"Why it couldn't be a Mary Shelley fan?" Haruna complained.

_Author Note_

I won't try and deny it: the kidnapping scene is a blatant omage to _Lord Ranma_ (a _Ranma 1/2_/_Sailor Moon_ crossover where Sailor Pluto's machinations made Ranma the Fifth General of the Dark Kingdom and a foil to the Saotomes and Tendos, included ANOTHER Ranma).

And about Salgari... I've read his novels, and I know he hated his characters. A lot. Sandokan, Yanez, Tremal Naik, the Black Corsair, Capitan Tempesta and his other main characters have a penchant to get captured and tortured (the unluckyest one may be Shima, main character of _L'Eroina di Port Arthur_: in about four pages she lost her brother when a Japanese destroyer accidentally sank both a Russian one and the JAPANESE one she was on and then, rescued by the crew of the _Petropavlosk_, killed herself by blowing up the mine that had just hurt the ship). And that was just what he did to the main characters: villains and nondescript got much worse. After all, in _La Rivincita di Yanez_ (published in English as _Yanez' Revenge_) Sandokan helped his friend by sicking on the enemy two hundred head hunters armed with machine guns and a mad scientist who infected them with CHOLERA, resulting in twenty thousands people literally shitting themselves to death (that was what Haruna was speaking about), while the novel _Le Due Tigri_ (_The Two Tigers_), whose background is the Indian Mutiny of 1857, ends with the fall of Delhi to the British forces in a chapter named _The Delhi Massacre_. Ouch...


End file.
